Another week, another city

This time Manchester. Strange mix of feelings being here (more on that later...) But first i wanna talk about the city i just left behind - delightful Dublin!

Actually not so much about the city, beautiful and fun and comfortable as it is (though it's frustratingly hard to find good coffee... yay, only 10 days til Milan!!!)

What's more in my mind is the wonderful moments i spent there and the great conversations. Meeting with some members of the Board and gaining really fascinating insights into the recent history of the country and its implications for organisations and students. Laughter-filled evenings with 3 lovely ladies, who made me feel so welcome, who showed such warmth and such openness and such trust. Breathing in the glorious fresh sea-air at Howth. Meeting interested new members and seeing again that 'sparkle'...

But also learning so much about the history of this country, and feeling almost embarassed at my complete ignorance of the subject. Feeling cheated by my own education - how can it be that we never discussed things that are such an important part of the history of MY OWN country?

Lots of reflecting on relationships - platonic and otherwise. Thought for the day: Is a 'Facebook hug' a sign that i'm thinking of you, or an acknowledgement that i don't think of you enough to send anything more...?

And now Dublin is just a memory, as are Bonn and Vilnius before it. Powerful memories all of them, for different reasons.

Which brings me to Manchester. I feel strangely comfortable here. I already hear my accent becoming stronger. I enjoy the familiarity approaching Picadilly station. Memories of crazy nights out, and afternoons shouting inside the stadium. There's also plenty of things NOT to like. The huge numbers of police on the streets on an insignificant wednesday in october. The waves of semi-drunk students in fancy dress or almost naked. The imposing gray sky and icy breeze. I feel at home, though technically i'm not.

Maybe not just another city...

Fab at 50

That was what it said on the badge. And i think it was fully justified!
(for those who have no idea what i'm talking about, my mum celebrated her 50th birthday this past weekend)

Planning for this event started around a year ago, when Mrs P decided she didn't want a conventional party, or any of the regular (useless) gifts. Instead she would ask would-be present-givers to donate money, which she would then give on to a charity. And to attend the party, not only would guests need to follow the dress-code of 'dark & dazzling', but they would also pay a small entrance fee, again to be given to charity. The evening's entertainment would also include a raffle and an auction, for various generously donated prizes (ranging from bottles of wine to 2 executive tickets to a Man United match - unfortunately i was outbid for those :( )

The catering and decoration were of course planned with military precision, a convoy of cars arriving during the afternoon with various items of food, drink and lots of balloons (red & black ones, of course!)

And after all the cooking, printing, packing, unpacking, donating and counting... this fabolous 50-yr old had raised more than £2000 (3000EUR) for the Stroke Association!!! (My Nan had a stroke 9yrs ago)

It was strange to meet so many ppl - friends, family and random others - some of whom i hadn't seen for several yrs. It was quite difficult at 1st given my prevailing mood for most of the week (partying with 95 people aged from 10-81 was not, if i'm completely honest, something i was terribly looking forward to...) But in the end it was a really nice evening, and a great way to take my mind of things. Highlights were definitely catching up with my friend Laura and her 21-month old daughter (see picture below), watching my 9-yr old cousin perform cartwheels and somersaults, burning up the dancefloor with my 78-yr old grandmother (not the one that had the stroke, she's not quite so mobile...) and the amazing chocolate- cheesecake thing that was just DIVINE!

Yesterday i was able to catch up with me bezzy mate Suz (just to prove i can still speak with a Northern accent...). And there was time last night to have dinner at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet restaurant. For sure the food wasn't quite as good as Weaw's mum's cooking, but maybe that would have been expecting a bit much...

Happy birthday, Mrs P!!!

Learning to fill the void

In the past 7 months, there was something that became a very important part of my life. It gave me lots of beautiful moments, and these moments will stay with me always as wonderful memories. It represented a dream for the future, but also an intense experience for the present.

Since Sunday i have been adjusting to this part of my life no longer being there. It hurts, it seems somehow unreal. In the first few days, all i wanted was to be alone and think of how to get back what i had lost.

I haven't felt pain like this for many years, my defenses having been built very strong in the meantime, shields to protect my heart from the worst that could happen. During the past few months I took down the shields, wanting to fully embrace the emotions that came with this beautiful relationship.

I guess there are many paths i could have chosen to deal with the situation i am now facing. Bitterness. Anger. Denial. Regret.

I've chosen to acknowledge the void that exists in my life, in my daily routine, in my future aspirations. I've chosen to be honest about what existed before that void. It was intoxicating. It was worth every second invested. And i've chosen not to fall into that void, but to fill it. To re-connect with some other aspects of my life that i have perhaps put 2nd best in recent times - family, friends, reading, music, blogging.

It's not easy, learning to fill this void. Often i wake up in the morning and find myself standing right on the edge. Or staring into it, and yearning for what was there before to come back again. But i think it's becoming easier, each day. I've been lucky enough to have some very special people around me in difficult moments. To Lara, Hajo, Caro, Abhishek, Aine, Bee, Ivo, Rob, and especially Ivancho, thank you for being there when i needed you.

I'm also learning to appreciate again the wonderful experiences that are happening around me everyday. To participate, rather than spectate. Right now i am at a national conference of AIESEC in Germany. More than 300 people gathered in one place to learn, to share, to inspire and be inspired. These people are making me feel extremely welcome, and i feel that i am really connecting with them, both in group speeches and in individual talks. I'm realising that i can understand a lot of German, and take part in conversations that are not just about ordering food :)

As the bruises are fading, the smile is returning. It will take time. But who needs to rush...?

Greetings from Vilnius!

My 1st time in a Baltic country. It's COLD, it's been raining a lot, but the city is quite pretty with some well-preserved old buildings and lots of trees. I guess it will look quite different in a few weeks, once all the leaves have fallen... Not enjoying being back in a European Autumn (i won't go into detail about gray skies and dark mornings, for fear of sounding like my Mum!)

But the coolest thing... after 9months i get to catch up with the 'Kliini Walliserin', Caroline Getsch, who is chairing the conference!!!

As i write this from the MC office, a procession of bikers is passing on the road outside. There must have been easily more than 500 already! No wonder there was a police escort at the front... the noise is getting quite irritating now though, i think i've seen and heard quite enough of Hell's Angels for one day... Very random!

Pictures are from EuroCo faci team and from Germany, where i completed my 1st country visit this week!