Greetings from Skopje

It's cold... very cold!
I'm healthy again, which is a huge relief :)

1st day of pre-meeting for Western Europe & North AMerica is done, i'm pretty happy with it.
One more day to go...

Made some time to work on that other thing i'll be doing here... I'm also happy. It needs more work, but the foundations are there :)

So many familiar faces, nice conversations, smiling people - that 'special atmosphere' that's hard to describe but wraps around you like a favourite blanket.

It's gonna be an exciting few days...

Being a July baby

Just noticed this on a friend's Facebook wall... interesting reading...
Remind you of anyone...? :)

----------------JULY BABY --------------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

A picture can speak 1000 words...

...but it's more fun to get the stories
straight from the horse's mouth ;)

Here's a visual tour of the last 8 weeks of my life.
Enjoy - I sure did!

8 days in magical Athens, with my Greek extended family

Experiencing more of the wonders of the Balkans... :)

Catching up with dear friends, in amazing Bangkok

Checkin' out the 'niche' party scene in Singapore :D
(it wasn't easy to find, but we managed...)

Exploring the wildlife of Phuket...

And a grown-up, sophisticated dinner party in London to welcome the New Year
(at least, that was the plan...)

Pinch me, i'm dreaming...

"On the way to work, the CN Tower should always be ahead of you. On the way home, it should always be behind you."

One of Canada's - no, scrap that, the WORLD's - most recognisable landmarks is 20mins walk away from where i'm staying! I see it as soon as i leave the house! But this is just one of the many things i love about Toronto. Among the rest:

• The incredible diversity of cuisine available - Friday night, sushi; saturday night, Indian; Monday night, Korean. And it's very good. And it's cheap. And it's all close-by. Somehow i can't imagine finding this combination in London or in Dublin!
• Cafes on every corner - caramel macchiato on Saturday; vanilla latte on Monday :)
• The people - they are sooooo friendly and polite!
• The air - it's fresh, it's clean (and yes, i'm still enjoying autumn, despite the drastic drop in temperature!)

On Sunday I had the chance to live one of my dreams - to see the Niagara Falls! So powerful, so graceful, so unstoppable. Breathtaking. It was worth the 2-hour drive, it was worth getting extremely wet and cold. Earlier in the day we had stood for 2hrs to watch the 'Santa Claus Parade'. Yes, i know it's still November. I reminded people of this several times, they couldn't explain it either... A fascinating look into what one could call 'family entertainment culture' of the country :) Afterwards we went to an amazing chocolate 'cafe', called "Soma" (those of you who have read Huxley's "Brave New World" will i'm sure be smiling...) There we all enoyed a delicious hot drink of chocolate mixed with milk, ginger, chilli and other spices. The endorphins were racing after that :) Oh, and most of the products in the shop were made from Venezuelan cocoa - i couldn't help smiling to myself, the possibilities for metaphor are numerous... :)

On Saturday i was invited to attend a meeting of AIESEC in Canada's 'Steering Team', which is currently finalising its recommendations for a 3-year plan for the organisation. Really interesting way to gain insights into the reality of the country, and also to observe how people interact and communicate. In true AIESEC style, i was thrown into this meeting the next morning after arriving in the country (16hrs, to be exact!) I was also invited to attend an International Wine Fair in the evening, but instead i chose to go for a drink with a certain Brodie Boland. Those of you who know him will i'm sure agree that i made a smart choice :)

Strangest moment of the day - while reading a political blog on the BBC News wesbite i was confronted again by the inexplicable attitudes of my compatriots towards European integration and the EU. I used to feel compelled to write about this, i would plan what i could do to ensure an alternative perspective can be offered to the tabloid-fed masses. But today i asked myself - do i really care anymore? On Friday i found this article in "The Independent" extremely interesting. I was sharing it this evening with some Canadians (or, depending who you talk to, 2 Canadians and 1 Quebecoise...) and they asked me: "So why do so many people leave the UK each year...?" I think my reply included the health, education and transport systems, which are all behind most EU-15 countries; the high cost of living; the frequently poor standard of rented accommodation; and the awful weather.

So maybe i really am past caring what the 'average Briton' thinks about Europe. Maybe I don't really care what the electorate decides to do or not do on a particular issue. Because i've learnt during the past 3 years that I really can feel 'at home' in many places. So why should i worry?
Isn't life too short...?

La vita e bella

I've been in Italy for 8 days now. For all the right reasons, it feels much longer. I love everything about this place, from the obvious (great coffee, delicious food, beautiful men...) to the unexpected (hospitality, humour). And beyond that, i'm really enjoying the working culture, which is a happily somewhere in the middle of Swiss military and Thai 'mai ben rai'. So we're 15minutes late, chill, we can change the agenda. Just don't expect me to work over lunch or dinner!

Last weekend was just what the doctor ordered - 48hrs of shopping and gossiping with Aine How can i ever forget the bohemian decadence of 'Alta Moda' (even with my limited understanding of Italian, the delicious irony of the name is not lost...)

Professionally, i feel again that my work is really adding value. I see the cogs turning when i ask the right question, i feel the glow of satisfaction when an idea conceived by another is well-received and taken forward. Observing, questioning, analysing, synthesising, creating, testing, evaluating. And the cycle goes on.

Personally i feel so connected with the team here. I've been working, eating, sleeping and relaxing in the same house for 5 days, but not once has it felt claustrophobic. These people just enjoy spending time together, and the feeling is contagious.

Sometimes i need to pinch myself to remember that these experiences are really happening, and that the last 18months of my life weren't some hypnotic dream. Reading this brought back so many memories. And you know the absurd thing is, i frequently forget that 13 months ago i lived through a military coup! There were tanks driving on my street, there was a state of emergency declared and then overruled, all national & international tv & radio was censored. How is it possible to forget this?!

So now i'm making a conscious effort to enjoy every second. This morning i travelled with Matteo (President of AIESEC in Italy) to the edge of the Alps, near to the border with France. It's stunningly beautiful - bright blue skies, snow-capped peaks, trees dressed in green, brown and every imaginable shade in between. I used to say i don't like European winters. I guess this highlights the danger of generalising for an entire continent! I've just eaten a delicious lunch with Matteo's family. Home-made pizza, aubergine grilled with parmesan, home-baked chocolate cake. And Matteo feels bad because their English is 'not so good'. I try to imagine my family talking with him in Italian over a roast dinner :)

On Wednesday i'll fly back to Rotterdam to re-connect with my team (well, 2/3 of it...) for 36hrs. And then i'm off to Toronto (via Frankfurt of course - if i spend any more time before Xmas in the Departure Lounge there i'll be arrested for squatting!) First time in North America, potential reunion with a family member whom i last saw i don't know how many years ago. And after that i'll be back in Europe to visit Athens, another city i've dreamed of since being a kid (and i'll actually get to see some of it, unlike Istanbul!!!)

To my friends who are facing oppression, uncertainty and frustration - in Pakistan and in Venezuela - remember that you are living through history.

I know that life often isn't easy. I think that's one of the things that makes it so 'bella'...

Another week, another city

This time Manchester. Strange mix of feelings being here (more on that later...) But first i wanna talk about the city i just left behind - delightful Dublin!

Actually not so much about the city, beautiful and fun and comfortable as it is (though it's frustratingly hard to find good coffee... yay, only 10 days til Milan!!!)

What's more in my mind is the wonderful moments i spent there and the great conversations. Meeting with some members of the Board and gaining really fascinating insights into the recent history of the country and its implications for organisations and students. Laughter-filled evenings with 3 lovely ladies, who made me feel so welcome, who showed such warmth and such openness and such trust. Breathing in the glorious fresh sea-air at Howth. Meeting interested new members and seeing again that 'sparkle'...

But also learning so much about the history of this country, and feeling almost embarassed at my complete ignorance of the subject. Feeling cheated by my own education - how can it be that we never discussed things that are such an important part of the history of MY OWN country?

Lots of reflecting on relationships - platonic and otherwise. Thought for the day: Is a 'Facebook hug' a sign that i'm thinking of you, or an acknowledgement that i don't think of you enough to send anything more...?

And now Dublin is just a memory, as are Bonn and Vilnius before it. Powerful memories all of them, for different reasons.

Which brings me to Manchester. I feel strangely comfortable here. I already hear my accent becoming stronger. I enjoy the familiarity approaching Picadilly station. Memories of crazy nights out, and afternoons shouting inside the stadium. There's also plenty of things NOT to like. The huge numbers of police on the streets on an insignificant wednesday in october. The waves of semi-drunk students in fancy dress or almost naked. The imposing gray sky and icy breeze. I feel at home, though technically i'm not.

Maybe not just another city...

Fab at 50

That was what it said on the badge. And i think it was fully justified!
(for those who have no idea what i'm talking about, my mum celebrated her 50th birthday this past weekend)

Planning for this event started around a year ago, when Mrs P decided she didn't want a conventional party, or any of the regular (useless) gifts. Instead she would ask would-be present-givers to donate money, which she would then give on to a charity. And to attend the party, not only would guests need to follow the dress-code of 'dark & dazzling', but they would also pay a small entrance fee, again to be given to charity. The evening's entertainment would also include a raffle and an auction, for various generously donated prizes (ranging from bottles of wine to 2 executive tickets to a Man United match - unfortunately i was outbid for those :( )

The catering and decoration were of course planned with military precision, a convoy of cars arriving during the afternoon with various items of food, drink and lots of balloons (red & black ones, of course!)

And after all the cooking, printing, packing, unpacking, donating and counting... this fabolous 50-yr old had raised more than £2000 (3000EUR) for the Stroke Association!!! (My Nan had a stroke 9yrs ago)

It was strange to meet so many ppl - friends, family and random others - some of whom i hadn't seen for several yrs. It was quite difficult at 1st given my prevailing mood for most of the week (partying with 95 people aged from 10-81 was not, if i'm completely honest, something i was terribly looking forward to...) But in the end it was a really nice evening, and a great way to take my mind of things. Highlights were definitely catching up with my friend Laura and her 21-month old daughter (see picture below), watching my 9-yr old cousin perform cartwheels and somersaults, burning up the dancefloor with my 78-yr old grandmother (not the one that had the stroke, she's not quite so mobile...) and the amazing chocolate- cheesecake thing that was just DIVINE!

Yesterday i was able to catch up with me bezzy mate Suz (just to prove i can still speak with a Northern accent...). And there was time last night to have dinner at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet restaurant. For sure the food wasn't quite as good as Weaw's mum's cooking, but maybe that would have been expecting a bit much...

Happy birthday, Mrs P!!!

Learning to fill the void

In the past 7 months, there was something that became a very important part of my life. It gave me lots of beautiful moments, and these moments will stay with me always as wonderful memories. It represented a dream for the future, but also an intense experience for the present.

Since Sunday i have been adjusting to this part of my life no longer being there. It hurts, it seems somehow unreal. In the first few days, all i wanted was to be alone and think of how to get back what i had lost.

I haven't felt pain like this for many years, my defenses having been built very strong in the meantime, shields to protect my heart from the worst that could happen. During the past few months I took down the shields, wanting to fully embrace the emotions that came with this beautiful relationship.

I guess there are many paths i could have chosen to deal with the situation i am now facing. Bitterness. Anger. Denial. Regret.

I've chosen to acknowledge the void that exists in my life, in my daily routine, in my future aspirations. I've chosen to be honest about what existed before that void. It was intoxicating. It was worth every second invested. And i've chosen not to fall into that void, but to fill it. To re-connect with some other aspects of my life that i have perhaps put 2nd best in recent times - family, friends, reading, music, blogging.

It's not easy, learning to fill this void. Often i wake up in the morning and find myself standing right on the edge. Or staring into it, and yearning for what was there before to come back again. But i think it's becoming easier, each day. I've been lucky enough to have some very special people around me in difficult moments. To Lara, Hajo, Caro, Abhishek, Aine, Bee, Ivo, Rob, and especially Ivancho, thank you for being there when i needed you.

I'm also learning to appreciate again the wonderful experiences that are happening around me everyday. To participate, rather than spectate. Right now i am at a national conference of AIESEC in Germany. More than 300 people gathered in one place to learn, to share, to inspire and be inspired. These people are making me feel extremely welcome, and i feel that i am really connecting with them, both in group speeches and in individual talks. I'm realising that i can understand a lot of German, and take part in conversations that are not just about ordering food :)

As the bruises are fading, the smile is returning. It will take time. But who needs to rush...?